I love my little girl more than life it’s self, but…

14 Sep

I really do love my little girl more than life it’s self, she is far and away the best thing I have ever done and I think I have done some pretty good things in my 40 years on this earth. She makes me so happy when she smiles just because I walk into a room or laughs at my EXTREMELY funny jokes of which I have bajillions I am the first person she sees every morning when I go to her room and scoop her up in my arms and say good morning she is so excited to see me I melt. The cuddles I get when we are together and she knows she is safe and bury’s her head in my chest with glee because I’m her dad and nothing bad ever happens when dads around……but…?

Jamie left for the gym tonight at 19:10 and left me with a happy Reagamiester but when we had done with the rice and sweat potato and milk she so much enjoyed while eating, her demeanour slowly changed and she SCREAMED her little head off which turned into constant crying and it did not stop no matter what I did. Talking gently, holding her tightly, some of my best jokes and funniest faces did not even make her stop. I bathed her and she cried oh man did she cry and I dried her and dressed her and she cried. I wrapped her in her sleeper while she sobbed and sniffed and cried some more then gave her a bottle and…..SILENCE!

Reagan became again that sweet little girl I love so much….

Not for one minute do I suggest I didn’t love her any less while she cried but it just saddens me to think that she believes throughout that time crying and screaming was really the only way to get through it. It knocks my confidence the whole time to think she has to cry, or that, it is a bad time when dad does bedtime? I would do anything for that little girl, anything to make her happy, anything to make her healthy, anything to make her feel better if I could!

She fell asleep in my arms after only drinking a third of her bottle (and I know I will have to feed her the rest before too long) and I looked down at her and she is the absolute image of her mom but with my eyelashes |:-) Mommy is brilliant and I get jealous how great she is with Reagan sometimes Mom can take control of the situation and calm it all down. She does it so well I forget when she is not there just how much she does for us. I am learning though and the rewards far out way any so called bad bits of having Reagan in my life.

Coffee required cos mom’s not home yet and I my still be called to arms!

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