10 May

I’m glad I didn’t write this blog this morning because I didn’t realise what was wrong and it would have come out all wrong…!

I still feel that my parenting skills are non existent but I am learning…?
When I woke up this morning I felt so so tired but it paled into insignificance when I rolled over and saw my beautiful wife and daughter, so I am always aware that Jamie needs proper sleep so I said I would take Reagan so she could get some decent sleep
I decided to take Jack and Reagan to the paper shop and got ready and left, this was the first time I had left the house without Jamie and it was very stressful. I know Middlewich like the back of my hand but i saw it totally differetly today….it is so difficult to get down to the towpath with a pram, the pavements\sidewalks are VERY bumpy, walking by the White Horse with a pram is terrifying, I could go on….!
After purchasing my paper I returned home now all the time I was out Reagan was asleep but when I got home she woke and it was then I realised truley that ‘I have no parental skills at all’ all I could think was please don’t cry because I don’t know how to calm you if you do…..?
I was so tired and stressed although I didn’t know it, but she was such an angel she got “fussy” around 10:30 which was when I needed to wake Jamie so we went upstairs and woke her and I changed Reagan and got ready to go to a doctors appointment once that was done we had 30 mins at home then of to open a bank account for Reagan.
Finally at 14:30 we got home and I needed to sleep but found it difficult so I went to have a bath, I was upstairs for over an hour just doing me own thing and it helped.
When I went back to the girls I found a mom in perfect harmony with her daughter…and I remembered a question Jamie asked me yesterday Do you think I’m a natural mom? and I said 100% Yes! and I thought Reagan couldn’t have a better mom than what I;m looking at right now!
It did however make me doubt what I do and whether I am good enough for all this…
I’m still tired and still want to be the best I can possibly be for Jamie (and Reagan) and will come back fighting……..
We are sat here now after (if I do say so myself) a great tea with Reagan asleep watching telly trying to relax!

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