Tough times

9 Oct

We are finding so hard to get through each day, and I purposely say it like that because at the moment we are just ‘getting through’ each day. I think Jamie is finding it tougher than me because, although Lincoln really is a different baby from two weeks ago, he is very colicly and almost cries constantly if he is not suckling mamma’s boobs or asleep. He is worst at night tending to sleep more during the day until around mealtime when he awakes and sounds like he is in real pain, the sort you get when you lived very poorly for a few days and a gallon of extra strength Gaviscon would not touch it. He draws his knees up to his chest wincing as he does and carries on wincing and straining all night only really stopping when he is feeding. I hate to see him like that and be helpless to do anything!

All this means is we don’t sleep much either of us, taking it in turns to stay downstairs with him just to give the other a chance of sound sleep. The problem with this arrangement is Jamie might go to bed at 21:00 and I look after Lincoln until say 03:00 then we swap and I go to bed until 07:30 when Reagan wakes up. Jamie looks after Lincoln while I get Reagan up, dressed and then get her breakfast I then get ready for work and leave Jamie looking after them both.

It worries me that Jamie has just given birth 3 weeks since, our life is hard right now and I have to leave her at home to cope on her own. I do my best and help as much as I can and yes I don’t think I have ever felt as tired as I feel right now but its nothing in comparison to how Jamie feels.

Is it weak to need help? Is it worse to ask for it? We made our bed we should have to cope and get through this but I think without help we will just burn out? I may be just tired and tomorrow will be better but yesterday while we had visitors we looked pretty good both kids were behaved Reagan was cute Lincoln slept but last night Reagan was over tired and bratty during bath and bedtime and Lincoln screamed the place down for hours. We can put on a show but for how long before something gives?

Jamie and me Reagan and Lincoln we will be fine but while mom and dad are surviving there is no time for us, and that makes for a pretty lonely existance even though we’re side by side. I never ever wish a moment of my life away but it’s so tempting to wish we could move forward to a few weeks from now with a colic free Lincoln.

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