Alone and adrift?

Crying won’t change anything, will worrying make it worse probably so I am going to do neither but that said today I cried when everyone except me were told they do not have a job Merry Christmas and I was left worrying what the hell I am supposed to do now…

I am left working from home alone with 130 customers with my phone number and my bosses don’t have the good grace or where with all to even speak to me and let me know the plan

The reason I cried and the reason I worry is my need to work I need to provide and not let my family down but I can’t die trying! Bad times await!

I just crave joy….

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What a day

To watch my teenage children still loving church and taking part in the nativity says so much of how Jamie is still guiding both brilliantly. Lincoln was superb as a puppeteer and got some great laughs it was great to hear him and see him performing!

Reagan and her friends danced and sang beautifully and it was very difficult not to shed a tear as I almost burst with pride as she shone with confidence and grace.

Nannie was sat next to me and that meant so much to share it with her, neither of us knowing what to expect were both thoroughly entertained and completely biased on the stars of the show!

Next came Mom’s first opportunity to preach which she ABSOLUTELY NAILED and Reagan Lincoln and me were there to experience it with her! Nervous before she got up infront of the congregation and owned the space because she’d prepared (I would have expected nothing less) and not only made a point was entertaining too.

To be their husband and father just makes me feel so proud WOW!

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Chester Markets

We set off to Chester early to watch Lincoln’s drama group perform at the Freedom Church and once we dropped him and Cody off me and Reagan went for some breakfast and wait for Mommy to arrive.

She had been in London for her Christmas party so was travelling direct and when she arrived she let us know it wasn’t the best journey she’d ever had but once she had chance to relax and breath we made our way back to the church.

We have seen a couple of performances by his drama group and they are a bit strange but they all seem to love performing, so that’s the main thing and that we are there to support Linc!

Afterwards, we wandered around the Christmas markets and shops like Pimarni before going home for a Chinese and chill.

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17

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Steak Reagan

Reagan asked if she could cook steak for tea and I said why not, because Mommy was down in London and I didn’t fancy cooking.

She did really well although it took a long time to get Steak and chips on the plate. The steaks were perfect really tasty and she should be proud!

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“No fun to be alone”

Since ClearCourse implied that they do not see any future in where I work, I have felt really disappointed and embarrassed that I left a job that wasn’t fulfilling me to join a company that for a fleeting moment allowed me to breathe I didn’t have a care between 5 and 9 and just did my job between 9 and 5 it was so refreshing really really refreshing and I loved it.

To now be working from home during this debacle I am now sat in front of my computer in a bedroom not having an adversary, no-one to sound off to or talk through anything. I have absolutely no backing from my bosses or anyone above me or ‘below me’ so I just have no joy in my working life anymore

I have started watching the final song performed by the Sex Pistols at San Francisco Winterland on 14 January 1978 over and over

… because it sums up EXACTLY how I feel right now. I am so frustrated and that video makes me feel better about my feelings!

“ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated”

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Big DUB

Not had many wins recently in the pool league but to ight we showed character against a fiesty side who although bottom of the table were level at 2 all and could have caused us problems if we weren’t careful. Eventually running out 7 3 winners, it was nice to play a captains frame to make it 3 2 and take the pressure off the next players on my team.

Didn’t drink again second night on the bounce it felt good to have rest, and although last night was tough, I dro e to pool tonight, which switches off the urge, and it’s easy not to drink.

Whatever happens at work over the next week or so, I have managed to book off the whole festive period and get it approved so they can do what they want I now have the choice be arsed or to not be once their plan is revealed…!

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Isolation

Isolated from everything and everyone working from home has become a chore, something to dread. Are they all talking behind my back? Does anyone above me have a clue what the plan is? Everyone has a problem. There is no joy!

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Mojo

I know I lack mojo now work means nothing, my whole life ‘stability’ my ‘equilibrium’ is awful right now its so wierd and I don’t like it!

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Sunday without football

With Denver on a Bye week I spent my Sunday tidying up he electrics in Mom’s shed listening to football podcasts only interupted by Jamie wanting to be taken to lunch while the kids were at church perfecting next weeks Christmas performance.

Next Sunday Colts vs Broncos a huge game that if we win makes us almost definitely in the playoffs

#GoBroncos

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