I never saw myself as a Dad?

21 Jun

I never saw myself as a dad, it was just one of those life decisions you make knowing “you can’t miss something you’ve never had” (as the saying goes), but things can happen and your outlook can change. Now I am a dad it frightens me to think that I may have missed out on the joy it has brought me just because I thought I didn’t need or want children?

Reagan is coming up to 8 weeks old and the thing I have noticed most is how attached you become over that short space of time, from nervously taking a baby into your arms, moments after it enters the world not even knowing how to hold it or what to do with it, to now where I don’t know how I went so long without feeling the joy in my heart everytime I see her which I hope never wears off. The fact that I would do anything to make her happy and could not live a moment without her no matter how tired or stressed or frustrated she makes me because it pales into insignificance when whe looks at you and smiles just because its you.

After almost 8 short weeks I already know I would do anything for that little girl I call my daughter!

Yes, I am still learning the ropes and that will probably always be the case but I hope the learning curve isn’t quite so steep as it was at first for me. The best thing you can have to help you become a good dad is a fabulous wife! “behind every great man there has to be a great woman!” well I’m not sure about her being behind me because she seems to be in front leading the way in everything we do? Jamie is everything Reagan and me could ever need all rolled into one, she just makes things all that bit easier by rolling up her sleeves and getting on with it! If she has one weakness it’s a lack of self belief which is absolutely incredible to me when you hear her in one breath say “I have waited for my whole life to meet you Reagan, you are my life” then in the next breath doubt everything she’s doing as a mom and think herself a failure?

Jamie brings it all together with her devotion to both of us and we really do appreciate it, and I have to tell her never doubt herself just stand back and look at how very happy and healthy Reagan is you’re doing everything right DUDE!

Reagan for me just makes me warm inside, to see her react to my face or smile when I talk, it’s not wind and it annoys me when people say it is. When you talk to her it absolutely facinates me to watch her eyes flick from my eyes to my mouth watching how I shape it and listening to the sound and then watching her face as she tries to shape her mouth and work out how much air to blow out to make a sound and then try and put it all together. Tonight I got her to say “mama” twice in a matter of 3 minutes and caught them both on video, we played them back and Jamie wasn’t convinced but I am and I am also convinced that by this time next week she will be saying mama all the time! Watch this space!

I want to finish today by saying becoming a dad is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if anyone reading this is thinking of choosing not to have kids just think about that decision again and make sure you’ve made the right one, before its to late to do anything about it! Finally, if I was granted just one wish I would wish that any couple who can’t have a baby, be granted one because that’s just not fair!

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